Call to Chaos

 

6/7/24

Inka killed me in the re-ed hub..  I'd stayed curled on my rug there staring at the floor.   Didn't want to move or dream, there was only him and me left, he'd been smoking and watching me.
He knew I wanted to vanish n not be, so he helped.   Stabbing me quickly in my right kidney.. Didn't hurt the blood felt warm on my skin and clothes then I just felt cold inside until nothing at all.
I don't recall how long I was formless for - just that Poseidon had appeared there and made me take form again.
I didn't want to... But he helped with the emotion and made me into my blue form.  He told me it was best one for now.

I'd had a dream after.  I was in a strange space standing with a guy.   He was launching balls like floating planets into the air and using a fan to keep them moving and floating there.
Colorful and mesmerising.  I just watched them float around as we stood together silently.

7/7/24

'Bitch, you died in my arms last night and are still far from high and dry'  Inka?  'You are closing a loop Ren, but your not free yet'  I feel safe here 'You're not, it's where you got pulled from'  I'm not safe any place mate 'Well observed Ren'

I will allways make a home around myself  'We coming to you. Sleep plx'   Not yet thanks.
Just want the dark for a bit.

Only one dream.... It was of the festival here. Inka had arrived after dark, he'd pulled me from the crowd and told me we needed to go to the airport that we were heading to South America.   I was confused, he told me I didn't need anything he had papers for me.
Was odd... He was angry.  Was an odd part of an airport we arrived at wasn't passengers as usual.. Diffrent security.

8/8/24

'Just come Ren, won't be nice... Nor is it what you want'

Jumbled dreams.. I'd jumped bk to Inka who was still really hostile, he was speaking to Leon who was getting him to do loads of checks on me. 
Checking tattoos, bloods n stuff.  Wanted dates I'd moved to places and when my kids had been born, the age I was when my Mam had died.  Iris scans on a phone app, he put a tattoo on my neck too that could be scanned.
https://mousedream.blogspot.com/2020/09/family-fall-out.html
Was given overalls and handcuffed to Inka who'd been told not to let me jump or even let me out of his sight.

Once on the flight stuff got really odd as I'd gone to sleep and merged awarness with him.  He tried to stop me, but couldn't.
Was hectic and energetic.. But once I'd merged he couldn't help but share recalls.  Was like we were on loads of layers at once, it oddly helped me navigate getting more of an idea of other realitys we'd been in.... Loads of dream recalls to but disjointed and dreams too.

The first I was in Sheila and Erics again.. Not the bit round to the garage this time but in the garden.
I was confused he was there and Sheila too... As I knew they were dead and the house sold.
I'd spoken to them only briefly then was outside with some children and old fasioned toy dolls.
They'd lost there clothes, the eyes were wet so wen't opening and closing properly.
We had a bag of broken crackers and some cubes of cheese.
 

I was collected from that space by people in 2 identical campervans.
Not a style I'd ever seen before. 
Grey inside, I was sat at a dirty 2 seater table, the guy driving and tried to drive there a flooded road and I recall thinking what a fucking idiot as the engine filled with water and the van stopped in the water blocking half the allready flooded road.

We'd got out with the others on the van, a girl of about 7 was coughing up blood on a blue dress and 2 guys having a fist fight.
I was sorting black bags we'd taken from bins looking for bits of clothing and food.
 

When I woke from dreams I was still on the flight with Inka, who'd given up trying to resisting me merging awarness and was less angry with me...  He did warn us Leon would be furious with us both now but I was indifferent and not in the mood to care.

The handcuffs hurt as they knew I can get out of them so it had been wrapped in a kind silicon stuff and were so tight they were cutting off circulation to my left hand.
 

Next dream I'm with my Dad in the garden at stone close.  I was where the sandpit used to be outside the shed in the rain pulling worms from a pool of water that had gathered there and talking to my Dad about dementia and time.

Last dream I had in a diffrent space again.. By this point the plane had landed we'd gone into a bathroom as he wanted to take a crap and I was still stuck to him.  I'd just sat on the floor and rested my head on his knee.
He'd given up caring at this point and recognised I was fully aware how fucking grim this could get but was up for what ever chaos was involved.. He'd just put his hand on my head and shared recalls of me as his hunting dog.
'You're a fucking rabid bitch when you wana be Ren'   Mmmm   
https://mousedream.blogspot.com/2020/10/pond-life.html
Ooo that's the same overalls you shoved me in again.   'Shit Crew games Ren'  Sounds ok to me, happy to surf a wave of astral rage for a bit.  'So it seems'   Playful gets me locked up anyway 😏

 

Last dream I saw Chris for the first time since he'd died.
We were in a walled garden space and I was cooking a meal for the many people around.  Some family but mostly strangers.   Was using 2 large slow cookers.  One filled with spicy lentils with large nuts that I'd never seen before, the other I was shredding a cooked chicken back into the sauce with carrots.   A pile of tin bowls and mismatched chipped crockery was stacked looking almost clean enough to eat on.
The space had bunks, old fabric was being used to curtain some off - flights were leaving from a small airstrip close to this place too.
I was dancing there and serving the food.   Collecting the bowls to rinse and reuse.  
A woman had vomited all over the floor.