Am I even Lucid Now? ;)

Blimey... 

Night started with Malico from story as I'd written about him last yesterday... It was a bit I'd written but another bit too. 

When??? Very confused as didn't know if it was before or after past/future or even if I'd written it yet, or it was still to write...    Then a sharp pain in my head.  

'Now!' lol, ok.. will come back then and I go back to sleep.

Back with Malico & Inka jumping again and twisting dark... like the weaving smoke.... what the hell? 'lol stranger Ren, hall of mirrors as your both the one being and watching.  Rolling and changing' They belong too... feeling and re'membering.

There had been a wired dream also meshed with the other stuff my main dream area in familiarity but it was a huge white ceramic sink but so big it had trees and vegetation growing in it, down the plughole was a basement room, like a house cellar.  

Then the integration which was so wired.... I'm just energy again, polarity spinning like energy but... I know the dream I'd gone back into and it was from years ago with the pirate guy. from June 2016

Was that aspect but integrating it the male there...was like a black/white JD bottle turned yin-yang ball whizzing and spinning and then it was Red, Black and White... then Orange Black and White still with writing on it eventually it was deep purple black and white. I am the spinny ball.   So It's energetic/movement but also visual.

The last dream was of a heated conversation in astral not arguing, but it was animated and energetic people were very passionate... I'm not sure f there even was a location or it was just a meeting of ideas. 

-

Pffffffff   Just found lots more dreams that all fit together.  👀  lol, My brain memory isn't up to the recall... only the patterns. 💜

'Persepective Ren, your in the game... keep playing' ..... lol, insane is what I am 😆  - back to fiction!




____



When I'm free-falling in, and grasping at you.   When I'm chewing threw memories of what we may do,  when time is but now, in the net of what will,  and I'm riding a storm but inside is still.

When love is as formless, as light is a lie and instead I'm surfing my wave of desire.  

Filling the void from which I have come? or bouncing back out as something to become?  

To breath, to beat like a heart or some breath?

Or scatter apart and reach for the net, the limits of being the dissolution of self?   

Indifferent to both I watch and I be, and I wonder again what is me? 

'A walker of boundary a pusher of lines, if there is ever a curtain your looking behind.  

Your fist threw the mirror your head in the frame,  fearless and reckless not troubled by shame.

Not driven by logic you're fueled from within, what is desire? what is sin?'  😈








Hahah sin is my way, Sin is my path 😏 There isn't a god that we can't get passed... God is inside and also without... So I follow desire and fuck off doubt.... 😆 

So the answer is symbols???   'We told you so...All your names mean the same Ren...   there is no where to go!!''

Blugh.... fuck off 😏

Ren.....  That one is new...   It was named from my dog who loved stimpy too ;)


Ren....  That one I'd herd of I knew it ment Name...     lol the fact that my Name name... means almost the same :P

'Your playing a game kid as humanity do, you can own it and play it or forget what is you?    Hahaha  fuck off 😛.............. '😈💜😈'

'You want to die, you want to come home... you always do, yet you ever roam.   You sleep to wake up, you die to begin, your allways upside down bitch, your home is within'

You're within me and without 😏 
'Your fucking echo when you shout... '  lol....   'That's why we team Ren we need one who goes in.... Your our muppet who lets us pull her strings.... Don't try to logic, follow your whim, keep this shit playful that's how we win' 


O.o   'Yep your nuts, ride it ffs ;)   - Don't try to logic this shit, your on earth 😆 ' 

When I'm free-falling in and grasping at you.

When I'm chewing threw memories of what we may do,

When time is but now, in the net of what will,

and I'm riding a storm but inside is still.

When love is as formless as light is a lie and instead I'm surfing my wave of desire.

Filling the void from which I have come? or bouncing back out as something to become?

To breath, to beat like a heart or some breath?

Or scatter apart and reach for the net, the limits of being the dissolution of self?

Indifferent to both I watch and I be, and I wonder again what is me?

Formless Awarness

Kaylo? 'Mmmm, just chill here for a while'.   Looks like a screen?  'Can WILD if you want too'  

151 not dreams as much just with people in astral, relaxing and healing... we play a bit too, chasing, jumping, following and hiding. 

A poem I wrote a while ago..... errrr here..

Breathe space then dance it wide, flow into the air inside. 

Root below so deep so dark, then stretch above out your heart.

You dance the pattern you beat the earth, you shower your space with the rain of rebirth.

As darkness comes breath it back in, own it, love it, all falling in. 

Cave into your self. Drop into your heart, rest in the perfect before growing once more. 

Wake again 252 Kaylo? 'Yep Ren, we're making stuff, chill we are formless'. Deconstructing emotions, pulling them apart like candy floss.  

Then a book chapter.  I'm taken into the hut & experience it. 

 

Web Weaving..

Wake at 252, I know I'd been in the story mainly where I'd stopped writing, we were sitting in the doorway to the cathedral vestibule with Inka and the others and then I remember I'd been jumping too and had been in many places at once too.  
I was with Fozzy & Em and back in my childhood Mel there too and others.  - a few memories together and then also new stuff,  was in Em's newer house and she had new neighbours and she didn't like them as they were wired.   lol  I realised she was re'membering - The neighbour was a pregnant female with black hair and eyes and she was fearless and strange.   Me and Em talk she has people she needs to help but it has to be slow and steady as they are confused.

I chatted to her about symbols,  the virus, free will my main dream area we are using as a base and I tell her she's welcome there too to use it and chat.

When I wake I have a huge jumble of memories both real, dream and others all from up there.   A Halloween party in the white swan, waking one morning upstairs with the cook and not knowing how I got there,  Outside a Witch outside where they moved the dump too chatting to her in the wind.  I'm with Mel before her suicide too, the schooner inn and Toby & his borther.. my 21st birthday and bright pink hair.  My heart centre felt huge and was a big DL of memories... also 2 curved sliver blades that spin and float like wired boomerangs.  

Inka comes to get me 'Come Ariadne' he greets me... jumping us he leads me back to the centre of the web.

The entanglement, dew ball worlds on a fine silk web all wobbling as one...    Wait with me Inka... 'OFC bitch' 😏



Wake next at 333 - exactly in the centre of the intricacies, they spin.... watching and waiting. 

(Find spider dreams/poetry) 



Duno what year this is...

A spider sits in wait in a web that is it's own,
exactly in the centre of the intricacies, he's spun.

The time and light pass over him.
So still he waits alone,
He waits for what life offers him what lands within his home.

Carefully he wraps his pray with care and with skill, his meal to keep him going until such time as till,

life chances him another meal or tears his net apart,
offering the spider yet another start.

To build a web around himself in which to catch life's bait,
Then quietly and calmly again he'll sit in wait. 


Like a shuttle weaving to and from,
The place were your at to the place you belong,
Binding your heart, with the web of the world
Bracing your soul, you surrender to whole,
enveloped with love, sharing one breath,
 Uncoiling to fall, then climbing once more,
 threw and in, catching the ends,
 it's tangled it's angled,
 it's drawing within,
 I feel were I'm going, I feel were I've been,
 I see into the places the what's in-between,
 string or a whole? a weave or a web?
 a magic embrace,
 we're caught in life's net


Hummm... Not sure if the search will help me find the other dreams <3

Ah here we go.   

More

Loosh & Web






Wake next at 404 girl next door screaming thew the wall 'No No No No'  fall asleep again fast to wake at 505 thinking shit!!

Another load of dreams but all multilayers so many at once, I'd been in many realities all breathing in and out of each other  'Your one though Ren'  

In one I'd been in the woods nakid, someone following me had gifted me a large white cardigan it was such a wired style expensive and like an elderly mans with a coat or arms logo on it.  (Trump type energy)  I didn't want it but didn't want to be rude either.   They were waiting for me but I was wandering about looking for something and then the woods were strangely full of people the male was concerned I was naked but I didn't care.

In another dream I'm with male me who is Dom.. I have no clothes only shoes and he's taken my pink ones and given me some black ones with a gold heal but I don't like them much.   We are in my main dream area but the roof has gone and there are stonemasons workmen and concrete and my old bright pink shoes are in wet cement now.  I was waiting on the return of a mother figure and so stalling Dom who was increasingly impatient.....   There was a 'timing'.   Outside was strange too, I could see people in the clouds and talk to them!  lol  like they were looking out of windows in the sky.   Some of them were in an invisible cloud school and were shouting to me... again I was nekid and wondering where my clothes had gone.  The cloud schools were changing and many groups going into one.

In another dream, I was in a  shower (All of these places I knew fit with other dreams/areas too)  I'm in a shower in a large communal washroom and there are 2 hot water sources one is old where hot water is stored in tanks and takes a while to run warm and the other newer source is instant... it will all be upgraded to instant soon and I'm enjoying the instant hot water.   :P

The shower dream was the one at the end of 2018 here with Trump & Lucid..  Rog also in that dream too!

Next wake is at 515! kids next door again and then finally at 606.... 'lol Ren, we are playing' fell back to sleep to wake at 616...  'All day Ren?'  lol. 

Well shit!! --  I knew that dream was important.... WoW  lol.  So the Moon Crone & all the Trump dreams..   'Ren, it's coming back but your memory & persective is still wired...   Symbols Witch' 😈 Fiction and  Errrrrrr?!?!?    ' Heheh,   told you Ren, carefull what you wish for nutter, we got you'😏

Cupio Dissolvi

Well wired night, not conscious -- Self destruct mode on 😏

Had a crazy dream then realised I was in my story... Was the fight and integration of Malico, the one Inka asked me if I wanted to visit and I hadn't wanted to as I wasn't angry at that time... last night I was! 😆

I had 2 dreams of the same thing, the fight I'd written about... but I was experiencing it, I can't remember when I wrote that chapter.. it was one of the chapters that came complete one morning and I just had to weave it in.  

Head is really sore.. lol - Wired synchronicity all day and knowing I need to write more fiction.

So many jumbled thought forms, Psychology/Religion/Decadence/Postmodernism/Cupio Dissolvi/Psychoanalysis/Freud/playdrive/deathdrive/Emotions/Heros journy/Archetypes
 and feelings.. lol So many random things rumbling around my mind!

Oh... lol  ID here with Inka, the uniforms and pipe! 

I always wanted to study a joint philosophy and psychology degree 😆