Scattered

I'm pushing back, 'I'm keeping a space to call 'you'  I duno what I? where a be 😵 'Your formless as love, your structure undone you are lost unto one'   That's why I stick to you?  'You're recalling what you are Ren and it's not human' Errrrrr What then? 'No spoon, come home. We will help, your splitting allover while awake... brew, candle, come' 

I feel like wind blowing away thoughts scatter letters, the words unravel and voice runs dry, nothing to think nothing to say, shapes and colours start to play.. the tickle to come, the shift way back, to the home deep within I drop into the gap and time falls away and I meet the others that weave the day.  

Blug, sorry... 'NP if you're going to split do it properly.......  I'm helping Ren, I can shove your smart ass comments back where they come from'  I didn't used to be so confrontational... 'We did you just nailed me in the floor'  Oh, sorry... 'Bit late for sorry Witch'  Hahaha ok, why?  'Your learning'  

Why am I so scattered...  'Different card Ren'

The thoughts blowing like a breeze I don't care what to think or know what to be, I have lost a sense of boundary and am fraying and unravelling what I thought was me. Watching a self get caught on on the wind... A draught at the window a chill on your skin, I've spread threw the air now you're breathing me in, so many selves start to begin..... Errrrrrrr? 'It's fine Ren your big 💜.. come here'  

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First dreams -- Dream and worlds, lots of them splitting so many I could venture or stop before brain spalt...  'Haha, Ren yep'   What were we doing? 'Making dreams and games'.. Ooooo   'SO come back'  journeys and deals too?  'Yes, here with us..'  

 

Oh dragging something from the floor of the ocean too big chains with seaweed a spaceship? 3 frozen snowmen one pink one blue one green in a hall?? Tigs Mum too & Marcus & Jack..and someone else recalling the same thing.. Also the Robot dream with the thing underwater.   

'If a frog turned to a tree, and then split into you and me, would you still hunt inside for the memories we hide?'  lol Inka, You know it!! 'Come back then ffs!!' Hahah ok.    

More dreams a dentist then Marcus again his drawing fruit there is a Pantone book with codes for colours so many colours it's huge the book is waster hight and filled with colours... WOW.  'Come here now and stay with me we need to heal a bit from last night'  

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Bloody hell!! 💚WOW  'You good?'   lol, yeh that was intense much green 😏 'I know'  We were below the roundhouse again - then in 4 places?  'Yes'  This all time now thing is wired 😆

Both of us with child me... On a track, lol a train line, you were on the line and I was pushing stuck carriages, you were telling me when the line was clear and I could move..... In the room together splitting to contacting the other me's!!
And I was also with another version of me in re-hab mental place.  

Awwww teddy... young me had teddy! :P lol Oh, you had one too the other day??  

'Child you copped a lot of shit having both of us in her... it's why I ended up in the floor'  Oh so ..We did it last night??   'Yep, we were telling them all what we were doing and why'   Fuck!!  'Yep'  Other dreams too, so much pain and rejection...

Oh yeh, more dreams of my main dream area, people I'd pissed off again... Market stalls filled with fresh produce but no people, Edinborough? A storm, some men trying to mend a table with lego legs but they can't seem to make the legs match so it doesn't wobble... I was helping but they kept wandering off. Oh Alison's house to, I was a ghost there... ?? WOW that was wired and so much stuff. 'Come back, not done yet'   'Apocrypha / Jon'  Hu??  'look for it tomorrow ;) now come here'   One of many parts telling all ourselves??   'Come here ffs'  lol ok

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wtf you doing getting me to half drown people!?!  'lol Ren, symbols.. they were mine... emotion'   I'd been in a pool like swimming baths with a bunch of guys 6 or 7 different ages more men were outside the water standing at a wall.  

I'd asked them, Who wants to ??????? - They all did and I'd demonstrated and as they copy my lead they started to pass out in the water sinking .... It was a kind of breathwork.   

lol then I had to dive down and stop them drowning dragging them to the surface or side. Oh there was a priest at the side too I'd got him to help drag out one bloke who was still unconscious.  

Oh was that the Jon? Baptism? lol Inka!! 'TY, I told you we were putting ourselves back together, get up' It's Sunday. 'Nop it's Sat and Halloween, you have lots to do, need to ground too'  Blugh it's not even 8am  'Run Ren Run'  lol, it's so windy. 

What's Apocrypha mean?/For?  'Run'   I'm so dizzy.... 'That's why Run.  Scoot' lol

Run really helped...  'YW'  my legs 😛  'My will power'  lol  I like running, 'Not getting up in the rain though'  Fair point.  If that me in the mental hospital is future me I don't want to know 😏 

2018


The one from Oct 2010



Awww found this from Nov 2010...


IOU again... 'YW.... Credit mounting bitch'  I know...  I'm good on a debt 😆  30k steps is good grounding...  Best consecrate ever 😍  'Learning Bitch'    Not sure our veil can get much thinner tbh...